Inhibitions Anonymous (Incomplete Movie Script)

This was my second attempt to take a stab at my original idea. I actually enjoyed this one, I have no clue why I stopped writing it.

Written by Richard Turner

With French Translations Provided by Emily Meloche

FADE IN:

EXT. THE TOWN OF TALLENHAM – NIGHT

The camera swoops down from the clouds as Italian Opera begins to play, showing the beautiful town of Tallenham all lit up. As the camera fly’s by the rooftops, you can vaguely see a well dressed man shoot someone and the shot echoes. The camera continues to move towards the window of Mancini’s Restaurant.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
In the relatively quiet town of Tallenham, there reigned two families. One by might, one by money. They were the Mancini’s and the Campbell’s.

The camera zooms rapidly towards an upper window of Mancini’s Restaurant

CUT TO:

INT. MANCINI’S RESTAURANT – NIGHT

As the camera hits the window a thud sound is heard and the camera spins around slowish to face it and a bird falls downwards, dead. The camera continues to turn until it spots the Campbell’s sitting at a table and it zooms towards them.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
This is Charles and Cammy Campbell

Cammy is a brunette, a middle aged lady (in her mid 40’s) that is dressed nicely as if she has a lot of money.

CAMMY
I think I might have a steak.

AARON
Mom, aren’t you trying to be a vegetarian?

CAMMY
Oh yes, but honey, the cow isn’t alive when you get it, someone’s going to eat it, I just don’t want them to kill it in the first place.

CUT TO:

INT. CHURCH – 20 YEARS EARLIER; DAY

The camera pans over all the guests. The bride walks down the isle.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
Charles and Cammy had met roughly 20 years earlier at a wedding of all things. Cammy was the maid of honour at her sister’s wedding.

The camera pans around to the altar and shows that Charles is the groom.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
And her sister was to become the first wife of one Charles Campbell.

MINISTER
I now pronounce you husband and wife!

Everyone in the church begins to cheer and colourful confetti begins fly all over the church and some random colourful balloons.

CUT TO:

INT. CHURCH HALLWAY – DAY

The camera is focused on a closet and the moaning noises that are coming from it.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
Cammy consummated her sisters marriage roughly ten minutes after the ceremony.

The Bride walks up to the closet door and opens it. She screams a hellish scream at the top of her lungs as her new husband orgasms inside The Bride’s sister.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
The blushing Bride was blushing no more. And in her hellish fury-

The Bride picks up a pair of scissors from the table nearby and stabs Charles Campbell in the genitalia.

NARRATOR (V.O. CONT’D)
-she picked up the nearby scissors and castrated the groom

CUT TO:

EXT. – OUTSIDE THE CHURCH – DAY

There’s an ambulance and police cars outside and the police are taking The Bride away. Charles is being loaded up into the ambulance.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
The Bride was taken away and would plead insanity-

CUT TO:

EXT. – MENTAL INSTITUE – STORMY DAY

The institute looks very castle like and lightning is crackling all over the background.

NARRATOR (V.O. CONT’D)
-and be sent to the local mental institute.

CUT TO:

INT. – HOSPITAL – NIGHT

Cammy is in a hospital bed, delivering a baby. She pushes and pushes and pushes as Charles stands beside her holding her hand, with an obscenely large sock stuffed into his pants. The child pops out and the doctor hands him to Cammy.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
And eight and a quarter months later, the child was born, and he was named-

Charles begins to pass out.

CUT TO:

INT. MANCINI’S RESTAURANT – PRESENT; NIGHT

The camera focuses on the Campbell’s reading their menus.

NARRATOR (V.O. CONT’D)
-Aaron.

CAMMY
What do you think you’re going to get Aaron?

AARON
I’m thinking chicken parmesan.

CAMMY
But I thought you were against red meat?

AARON
Wow… there is so many things wrong with that statement.

Charles puts down the menu angrily.

AARON
What is it now?

CHARLES
Where is my Mother? She’s always fucking late to these things.

AARON
Because of you we always arrive twenty minutes early, it’s hardly her fault.

CHARLES
Whatever, sometimes I wish she’d just fucking croak so we could be done with all her shameful nonsense.

AARON
I think I’ll go get her.

Aaron stands up at the table and walks away.

CUT TO:

INT. BEATRICE CAMPBELL’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

The walls are a deep vibrant purple, the floors are hardwood and the ceiling randomly has green and yellow flower carpets stuck to it all over. Most countertops are made of glass.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
While Aaron was running away from the embarrassment of having Charles as his father, the Grandmother of the Campbell family was busy with her ‘shameful nonsense’

The camera moves around and goes into the bedroom which has no light turned on. A dark haired young man with glasses sits on the edge of the bed, with Beatrice Campbell between his legs. The man is LINSAY BOND. Nasty sounds are coming from there.

NARRATOR (V.O. CONT’D)
And while in between the legs of one Linsay Bond, Beatrice Campbell choked on a flavoured condom and died instantly.

Beatrice makes a brief choke sound then falls over, the condom falls out of her mouth.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
And Linsay, thinking it was an onset of her chronic narcolepsy, placed her gently into her bed and left

Linsay Bond gets dressed and places Beatrice in her bed. And then exits the apartment quietly.

CUT TO:

EXT. OUTSIDE APARTMENT COMPLEX – NIGHT

Aaron is walking up to the building and Linsay Bond walks out of it. They stop for a moment and notice each other. Aaron begins to raise his hand.

AARON
Hey Lin-

Then Linsay ran away in fright. Aaron shrugs this off and continues towards the front doors.

CUT TO:

INT. COMPLEX LOBBY – NIGHT

Aaron fiddles with his keys and enters the front doors. He continues and reaches the elevator.

CUT TO:

INT. COMPLEX ELEVATOR – NIGHT

He enters and the door shuts. He pushes the button for the 14^th floor. He stands there for a few seconds listening to ‘Me Pants Fall Down’ by DaVinci’s Notebook, and then begins to move ever so subtly to the music.

CUT TO:

INT. BEATRICE’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

Aaron enters the front room and is startled that the lights aren’t on, so he turns them on. He walks around calling out.

AARON
(Repeated)
Grams!

NARRATOR (V.O.)
Aaron thoroughly searched everywhere in the apartment-

Aaron looks in the cupboards and under the furniture (including behind the television).

Aaron enters his grandmothers bedroom

NARRATOR (V.O.)
-Saving the bedroom for last.

He turns on the light and walks towards the bed.

AARON
(Softly)
Grams?

Aaron pokes his grandmother.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
He attempts many things he can think of to wake his Grandmother-

He shakes her and she still doesn’t wake. He makes an amazingly high pitched piercing noise.

NARRATOR (V.O. CONT’D)
-and nothing wakes her from her eternal slumber.

Cuts to a shot of Aaron with his ear right above his Grandmothers mouth, then a look of realization on his face.

AARON
(Panicked)
Oh my god! A dead body!

His body shoots into a straight position then he contorts in an attempt to run away and trips over his own feet, falling backwards onto his Grandmother and he begins to scream.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
Aaron then proceeded to calmly phone the authorities.

CUT TO:

EXT. APARTMENT COMPLEX – NIGHT

An ambulance, some police cars and even a fire truck are in front of the apartment complex. Aaron is sitting on the edge of a police car as an officer is speaking to him.

AARON
My first reaction was to run away from the body.

OFFICER
(Gives a confused look)
Why?

AARON
You never know when bodies might reanimate and I didn’t want my brains sucked out.

The medics are removing Beatrice Campbell’s body from the entrance of the building and wheeling her into the back of the ambulance.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
And with his Mother deceased, Charles Campbell had some important phone calls to make.

Charles takes his cell out of his pocket and dials a number.

CHARLES
Hello. Uh-huh, ok. Two one way tickets to Hawaii.

CUT TO:

INT. DESKTOP – DAY

Violins accompanied by a soft electric guitar, a bass, drums and a piano begin to play a semi-happy sounding song as a book slams onto the desk with the title of ‘Inhibitions Anonymous’. A song begins to play.

CUT TO:

INT. BAR – NIGHT

Dark and wooded, karaoke is set up at the front of the bar and DAHLIA DRIESSEN is standing up at the front looking like an amalgamation of sixties retro fashion and modern fashion with her black and gold dotted top and metallic golden shell like earrings and her above shoulder length deep red hair.

DAHLIA
(Singing)
There are places I’ll remember
All my life though some have changed
Some forever not for better

CUT TO:

INT. DESKTOP – DAY

The pages flip and show some of the opening credits.

DAHLIA (CONT’D V.O.)
(Singing)
Some have gone and some remain
All these places have their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I’ve loved them all

CUT TO:

INT. BAR – NIGHT

Dahlia continues singing up at the front of the bar as the people in there cheer her on.

DAHLIA (CONT’D)
(Singing)
But of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new
Though I know I’ll never lose affection

CUT TO:

INT. DESKTOP – DAY

The books flips through some more pages and finishes off the credits as Dahlia continues the song.

DAHLIA (CONT’D V.O.)
(Singing)
For people and things that went before
I know I’ll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more

Though I know I’ll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I’ll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more

CUT TO:

INT. BAR – DAY

Dahlia finishes the song putting her all into it and the crowd cheers heavily for her.

DAHLIA (CONT’D)
(Singing)
In my life I love you more

The camera slowly zooms in on her face as she sings this last line and focuses on her opened mouth as she holds the last note briefly.

FADE TO:

INT. TAXI – DAY

The camera is focused on Dahlias opened mouth, it zooms back to reveal she is yawning in a taxi.

DRIVER
(rudely)
Here we are your majesty.

Dahlia takes off her big sixties-like sunglasses, throws the driver the money he is owed and gets out of the taxi as she speaks.

DAHLIA
Go blow a goat.

CUT TO:

EXT. FUNERAL HOME – DAY

She puts her sunglasses back on and puts a sun hat on that compliments her sun dress, and the taxi violently drives off.

DRIVER (V.O.)
(Screaming at a distance)
Fuck you bitch!

The drivers middle finger can be seen in the background.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
This is Dahlia Driessen.

CUT TO:

INT. MAP – DAY

An olden style map, with many shades of green on it, suddenly appears on the screen, as it does, accordion music begins playing.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
In the summer of this year, the young flower decided it was time to bloom, and ventured out on her own into the world.

A red dot suddenly appears on Montmartre in Paris, France.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
And by the World, she had meant Montmartre, a district of Paris in the republic of France.

The camera zooms in rapidly on the red dot

FADE TO:

EXT. MONTMARTRE – DAY

The camera continues to zoom in on Montmartre until it reaches Dahlia in a cute and pretty soft yellow dress.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
She had come to Montmartre for a variety of reasons.

She puts on her large sunglasses as the camera looks at her, and everything in the scene has a green colour palette to it.

CUT TO:

INT. WINERY – DAY

The camera slowly archs around Dahlia as she smells and drinks a glass of wine.

NARRATOR (V.O. CONT’D)
-To Drink-

CUT TO:

EXT. PUBLIC PARK – DAY

NARRATOR (V.O. CONT’D)
-To have adventures-

Dahlia is sitting on a park bench with a closed umbrella at her side, when a man with a gun walks up to her

THEIF
Je profiterai de votre cadavre, et je courrai avec votre argent après que je suis satisfait.

What he said translates to “I will take advantage of your corpse, and I will run with your money after I am satisfied.” Dahlia kicks him in the groin and whacks him hard over the head with the handle of her umbrella. Everyone around her starts to cheer and clap. She stands up and bows.

CUT TO:

INT. PARISIAN RESTAURANT – NIGHT

Dahlia is sitting across from a handsome down to earth looking man with candles between them on the table top.

NARRATOR (V.O. CONT’D)
-For something different-

CUT TO:

EXT. GARDEN – DAY

Dahlia walks up to a flower bed containing various species of dahlia flowers. She walks up to the most vibrant one of them all, cups it with her hand and smells it.

NARRATOR (V.O. CONT’D)
-And the more beautiful things in life.

CUT TO:

INT. PARISIAN APARTMENT – DAY

Dahlia is sitting at a desk by a window sill that has the vibrant dahlia flower sitting on it in a vase. Dahlia gets up from the chair and walks off camera. The camera slowly begins to zoom in on the vibrant dahlia flower. It slowly begins to wither away, with peddles falling off until it’s completely dead.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
But as with all vibrant joyful things, it had an end in sight. The lustre of the trip to Montmartre would soon wilt away, and Dahlia would return home.

CUT TO:

INT. FUNERAL HOME – DAY

When Irish Eyes Are Smiling plays over the PA system, the room is filled with many many people, and Aaron stands by his grandmothers open casket all alone.

BEATRICE
Where the fuck are your parents?

AARON
Hawaii.

Dahlia enters the far side doors of the room.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
Dahlia had finally arrived. Deciding to mingle at the end of the room for a moment.

Dahlia takes a handful of cookies and stuffs them into her purse.

Aaron is approached by ANTONY MANCINI. A middle age man, well dressed, chunky.

ANTONY
Hello Mister Campbell, We’ve never met before, but I was a long time friend of your Grandmothers. I’m terribly sorry for your loss, she was a firecracker.

AARON
I’m sorry sir, but who are you?

BEATRICE
He’s Boss Mancini you ignorant prick.

ANTONY
Oh dear, I’m sorry, I forgot to introduce myself. I’m Antony Mancini. Perhaps you’ve heard of me?

Aaron looks surprised.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
Aaron had in fact heard of him. There was no corner of the town untouched by the hands of Mancini.

CUT TO:

INT. WAREHOUSE – DAY

YOUNG ANTONY stands before a MIDDLE AGED BEATRICE CAMPBELL who is tied up. He holds a gun.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
His organised crime syndicate was well known for doing whatever it takes to get what they want.

YOUNG BEATRICE
I like role play. Rawr!

CUT TO:

INT. FUNERAL HOME – DAY

Antony Mancini walks away from Aaron. Dahlia begins to walk towards the front. She begins stroking Beatrice’s face.

DAHLIA
At least she lived a long life.

BEATRICE
Tell her if she’s going to touch me she better pay me

AARON
Yeah…

DAHLIA
Where are your parents at?

AARON
They ran away to Hawaii.

DAHLIA
Aww. Poor thing.

Dahlia hugs Aaron. As she does this she takes a cigarette out of her purse, places it in her mouth and lights it, and takes a drag.

DAHLIA
How could they simply abandon another family member? I’ll never understand it.

AARON
Where’s Damian?

Dahlia’s eyes widen, her cigarette falls from her mouth.

CUT TO:

INT. AIRPORT – DAY

DAMIAN DRIESSEN sits all by himself with the entirety of his luggage in the busy airport terminal.

CUT TO:

EXT. FUNERAL HOME – DAY

Dahlia frantically tries to wave down a taxi. One finally stops and she rushes into it.

Inhibitions Anonymous Episode 1: The Pilot

This is the first attempt at Inhibitions Anonymous, a sitcom idea I started co-developing with a friend. Our styles clashed and I found that I couldnt work with her. This pilot episode was written while trying to appease her. I was not happy with the final result, but there are bits that are amusing, and perhaps feed back will help me with a later reworking of this story… also unfortunately because of creative differences the actual main stories werent even introduced in this. Regardless I hope you enjoy.

TEASER

FADE IN:

INT. AARON CAMPBELL’S BASEMENT – DUSK

The walls are painted white, with wood boarding going up half way. There are two windows; two chairs with a table between them sit under the two windows.

Across from them is a couch, which is where AARON CAMPBELL is sitting, gently nibbling his index fingernail. Adjacent to the chairs and couch is a pool table, which is nearly in front of the stairs.

MINA REYNOLDS-THRACE sits in the chair closest to the pool table.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
Today isn’t just like every other day, today is the last day of the year.  This is Aaron Campbell, an aspiring writer.

TITLE: Aaron Campbell (Aspiring Writer)

NARRATOR (V.O.)
And this is Mina Reynolds-Thrace, also an aspiring writer.

TITLE: Mina Reynolds-Thrace (Also Aspiring Writer)

NARRATOR (V.O.)
They are very close and on this day they’re going to their friend’s house for a new years party.

AARON
You’ll never guess what my Dad gave me today.

MINA
A blowjob?

AARON
No, but close.  He just walked up to me and handed me a condom.  I mean what the fuck?  It was just random.  I mean it raises a whole bunch of questions, like where did it come from? Did he pull it out of a hat?  Was it a rabbit?  And why the hell did he have a condom?

MINA
You should have asked.

AARON
I did. He said that it’s old.  I didn’t really want to ask how old, but he looked at the expiry date and it was October of 2010, and that utterly shocked him.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
In fact the condom was most likely bought in the eighties.

AARON
So yeah.  Oh and then he asked me if I wanted coffee afterwards.

MINA
Wow.  That’s, that’s… rather creepy.

AARON
Yeah it was.  I’m such a virgin, I just want someone to be with, not even sexually, just some sort of action.  Aaron horny.

MINA
I really hope your Dad isn’t included in there.

AARON
That would be gross.  What time is Linsay’s party at?

Mina checks her watch.

MINA
It’s at eight, so in like fifteen minutes

AARON
Oh ok, so we should head out now, we still have to pick up Damian and Charlie.

MINA
Yeah.  Aaron, you want to know something funny?

AARON
You had sex with Luke? Oh wait you said funny… oh…

Mina falls over laughing.

CUT TO:

Text on the screen with a black background reading ‘Inhibitions Anonymous’.

END OF TEASER

ACT I

CUT TO:

EXT. BOND HOUSE – A LITTLE WHILE LATER

Mina’s van enters the driveway and moves to the parking spaces at the back of the house.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
A little while later, they arrived at the Bond residence where their host was going to greet them.

Mina, Aaron, DAMIAN, and CHARLIE exit Mina’s van, and up above on the railingless balcony stands their friend and host LINSAY J BOND.

LINSAY
Hey guys!

NARRATOR (V.O.)
The man standing on the dangerously incomplete balcony is Linsay J Bond.

TITLE: Linsay J. Bond (Not British)

NARRATOR (V.O.)
When he was born, his parents had an argument over what he should be named.  His mother had always wanted a girl and thus wanted to name their son Linsay.  Eventually they reached a compromise and his father picked his middle name, both of which he found embarrassing.

AARON, CHARLIE, MINA
Hey Linsay!

DAMIAN
(same time as others)
Hey J!

NARRATOR (V.O.)
This Gaius Baltar look-alike’s name is Damian Driessen.  He and Aaron have been close friends for nearly a decade.

TITLE: Damian Driessen (Also Not British)

NARRATOR (V.O.)
And the guy next to him is Charlie Le Guin.  He has anger issues.

TITLE: Charlie Le Guin (Really Not British)

NARRATOR (V.O.)
And thus the party would begin.

LINSAY
Aaron!  Are you wearing a woman’s headband?

AARON
(says cautiously)
Yeah!

CUT TO:

INT. AARON CAMPBELL’S BASEMENT – EARLIER

TITLE: Earlier

CALLY DILUCA takes her headband off and places it on Aaron’s head

NARRATOR (V.O.)
Earlier that day a friend had placed her headband on Aaron’s head.  He secretly likes wearing it.

CUT TO:

EXT. THE BOND HOUSE – PRESENT

AARON
Cally put it on me earlier.  It’s not like I would put one on myself or anything…

Mina rolls her eyes.

LINSAY
Ok, whatever, just come on in, everyone’s already here.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
And with that, Linsay J Bond left his balcony of wonder and returned to the land inside his home.

Damian, Mina, Charlie and Aaron walk from the car to the door.

DAMIAN
He may have been on a balcony, but I’m still sexier than him… right?

MINA
Of course you are Damian.

CHARLIE
Oh yeah man, you’re the sexiest one around.

Charlie laughs.

AARON
I’d bone you.

DAMIAN
(scared)
I know you would…

CUT TO:

INT. THIRD FLOOR OF THE BOND HOUSE – NIGHT

The third floor of the Bond House is unfinished looking, with the walls, floor and ceiling all looking the same, all looking unpolished.

On the far side of the room is a bar and in front of that is a couch. To the left of the couch is the chair, and in front of all this furniture is a big Widescreen Television.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
Everyone had already arrived, and they were all on the mystical third floor.

Mina, Damian, Charlie, and Aaron are walking up the stairs to the third floor.  And they go around a corner and see everyone.

LUKE
About time you guys got here.

Mina walks over and sits in his lap while talking.

MINA
Sorry we were late, Damian took forever, and it was tempting to run Charlie over. I know I’ll do it one of these days, and it wont be an accident.

Mina giggles.

CUT TO:

EXT.  THE LE GUIN HOUSE – EARLIER

TITLE: Earlier

NARRATOR (V.O.)
Unbeknownst to him, she actually had attempted to run him over.

Mina is driving for Charlie but zooms past him.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
She was unsuccessful.

CUT TO:

INT. THIRD FLOOR OF THE BOND HOUSE – PRESENT

NARRATOR (V.O.)
The man with Mina in his lap is Luke Anderson Williams, her boyfriend.  He’s also commonly referred to as The Law.

TITLE: The Law (Not Above)

LUKE
Aaron, what are you wearing?!

CALLY
Don’t make fun of him.  You look very pretty Aaron.

Aaron blushes.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
The girl behind the air hockey table is Cally Diluca, owner of the headband.

TITLE: Cally Diluca (Giver Of Headbands)

AARON
I thought so.  I feel pretty. Oh so pretty.

Mina and Damian stare at Aaron.

AARON
I’m not going to finish that…

DAMIAN
I’m not going to finish you!

JAMIE
What does that even mean?!

NARRATOR (V.O.)
And finally, this is Jamie River, Linsay J Bond’s girlfriend.  She is insane.

TITLE: Jamie River (Bond Girl)

LINSAY
Darlin, I think it means that he’s decided not to finish sodomizing him.

AARON
Aww, I’m disappointed Dame Dame.

DAMIAN
Please never call me that again.

Damian walks towards the fridge behind the bar to get a pop.

Aaron grabs a bar stool and places it next to Mina and Luke’s chair and sits down.

AARON
I can’t guarantee anything.  It might just slip out occasionally.

DAMIAN
Oh well, it’s the best I can hope for.

LINSAY
Who wants to play body boggle?

CHARLIE
Did you just say body boggle?

NARRATOR (V.O.)
He in fact had said body boggle.  It’s like twister with words.

LINSAY
(overpowered by Narrator)
Yes.  It’s like twister with words.

CHARLIE
Why don’t we just play twister then?

LINSAY
Cause… Cause then it wouldn’t have words.

Charlie walks over and sits in front of the footstool, which Luke and Mina are using.

Jamie walks over and sits on the edge of Luke and Mina’s chair.

Jamie pats her leg and Mina moves over and sits in Jamie’s lap.

Aaron is watching them as they do this

MINA
Hello sexy.

Aaron looks over at Charlie and walks towards him.  Aaron sits in Charlie’s lap.  Charlie punches Aaron in the face.

FADE OUT:

END ACT I

ACT II

FADE IN:

INT. THIRD FLOOR OF THE BOND HOUSE – NIGHT

Aaron is over by the fridge behind the bar getting ice.

Jamie and Cally are playing body boggle.  Linsay is shouting out the words to them.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
Aaron was off getting ice for his swelling face, when suddenly Mina’s cell phone began to ring.

Mina’s cell phone rings over on the bar.

MINA
Aaron!  Could you be a doll and get that for me.

DAMIAN (O.S.)
(angrily then trailing off)
Could you be my doll…

AARON
Hai, hai.

Aaron picks up Mina’s cell phone and brings it to her.

CHARLIE (O.S.)
Why body boggle?

LINSAY (O.S.)
But body boggle is the shiz.

MINA
Hello?  Oh one minute, I’m going to put you on speaker phone.

CHARLIE (O.S.)
Did you just say shiz?

Mina presses a button on her cell phone.

MINA
Kay, there you go.  Talk.

PATRICIA (V.O.)
Oh my god, people!

EVERYONE
Hi Patricia!

PATRICIA (V.O.)
Oh… What? Too many voices!

CUT TO:

PHOTO: Patricia in a stripper cop outfit.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
The crazy woman in the cop outfit is their long time friend Patricia Bateman who recently moved away.

TITLE: Patricia Bateman (Not American)

CUT TO:

INT. THIRD FLOOR OF THE BOND HOUSE – PRESENT

PATRICIA (V.O.)
I’m sorry I couldn’t be there.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
She had moved to attend a University many hours away.

MINA
That’s ok, so far you’ve only missed Linsay and Charlie argue about body boggle.

PATRICIA (V.O.)
Isn’t that just twister with words?

DAMIAN
You’re just twister with words!

MINA
Also Charlie punched Aaron.

AARON (O.S.)
You said you’d protect me, that you’d be my condom!

PATRICIA (V.O.)
Wow.  Anyways, sorry but I’ve got to get going now

AARON (O.S.)
Well that condom broke!

MINA
Bye Patricia!

LINSAY
Eighteen!

Cally and Jamie move to make the word

CALLY
How do you… never mind.

JAMIE
Cally! Were you just about to ask what I think you were?

CALLY
Never!

One falls on top of the other.

LINSAY
You lose.

JAMIE
I lose! Woo hoo!

DAMIAN
I’m bored.

CALLY
I’m dead… ugh!

Cally falls on her back.

AARON
(Looks intrigued)
Dead?

Aaron runs to Cally and grabs her legs.

CALLY
No! No! I didn’t mean dead! I live! I live! I live!

Mina’s cell phone rings, and she answers it.  Cally stands up.

MINA (O.S.)
Hello. Oh hey, what ya up to?  Are you coming?

CALLY
Well that was fun.

CHARLIE
We should have played twister.

LINSAY
That doesn’t have words!

Damian walks up behind Aaron who is sitting on the barstool and slaps his face where he was punched.

AARON
Fuck!

DAMIAN
So I hear your dad randomly gave you a condom today?

AARON
Yep, and he offered me coffee afterwards.

DAMIAN
Well, I guess that’s the only way it’ll get used.

Damian walks away from him.

CALLY
Who wants to play Strip Go-Fish?

AARON
Only if you get me more ice.

NINJA runs from the stairs screaming, around the couch and people and runs onto the balcony.

Everyone remains silent and looks at one another.  Linsay leans over to look out of the open door.

LINSAY
He’s gone…

MINA
Was that your brother?

LINSAY
I hope not. That’s a long fall.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
It is a long fall and would have killed the average person, but Linsay’s brother used his expert ninja techniques to safely land, like a cat.

LINSAY
Who wants to go hunting for him?

MINA
Oh oh oh, I want to!

CALLY
(sad)
Then, then who’s going to play Strip Go-Fish with me?

AARON
Don’t worry Cally, I will.

DAMIAN
(grand Gimli voice)
As will I!

JAMIE
I don’t want to go outside.  It’s cold and um… what’s the word to describe it?

AARON
Resident Evil like?

JAMIE
That’s it!

DAMIAN
That’s more than one word.

CUT TO:

INT. SECOND FLOOR OF THE BOND HOUSE – A MINUTE LATER

Mina, Luke, Linsay, and Charlie are all in Ninja’s room picking out weapons to hunt him with.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
And so they went into Linsay’s brothers room to obtain weapons.

Mina stares excitingly at a sword.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
Mina was especially excited.

CUT TO:

EXT. BOND HOUSE – NIGHT

NARRATOR (V.O.)
And so they were ready and armed, Linsay had acquired the flashlights on his way out the door.

They are all standing around at the end of the driveway, where the grass of the backyard begins.

LINSAY
Now everyone be careful, we want to take my potentially injured brother alive, so don’t hit him too hard with the swords… Mina…

MINA
I would never get carried away… never…

LUKE
Yes you would.

MINA
(looks down at her feet)
Yeah I would…

LINSAY
Ok, so lets go Ninja hunting.

Linsay pulls out a gun from his back pocket and fires it into the air.

Charlie runs away, down the driveway

CHARLIE (O.S.)
(screams)
Oh my god, he’s going to kill me!

LINSAY
(whimpers)
It’s, it’s not real…

NARRATOR (V.O.)
In fact it was a cap gun, there was no bullet involved whatsoever.

MINA
(sarcastic)
Wow, you’re like a regular… um… Jack Bauer now.

LINSAY
Yeah, Jack Bauer.  Anyways…

He turned around and they followed him into the garden area.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
And the hunt for his brother began.

CUT TO:

INT. THIRD FLOOR OF THE BOND HOUSE – NIGHT

NARRATOR (V.O.)
As had the game of Strip Go-Fish inside the house.

AARON
Umm… Damian! Do you have a queen?

DAMIAN
Besides you?

AARON
Shit.

Aaron removes his socks.

CUT TO:

EXT. BOND HOUSE BACKYARD/GARDEN – NIGHT

Luke and Mina walk together, Mina with sword in hand and Luke with a cap gun.

LUKE
(whispers)
Where do you think he could be?

MINA
(whispers)
I don’t know. All I know is I have a sword… a sword… hee hee hee

LUKE
(whispers)
Remind me to keep you away from sharp objects.

MINA
(whispers)
Why? Is it against The Law?

Luke laughs and kisses Mina.

NINJA (O.S.)
(yelling)
Coocookacha! Coocookacha!

CUT TO:

INT. THIRD FLOOR OF THE BOND HOUSE – NIGHT

Damian and Jamie have all their clothes on, Cally is missing her socks.

Aaron stares at his cards intently. He looks up at the other players and looks around cautiously.

AARON
Do you have a Jack… Jamie.

JAMIE
No, but you do.

AARON
(stoic)
I’m not gay.

Aaron slowly removes his shirt while giving Jamie evil eyes.

CUT TO:

EXT. BOND HOUSE BACKYARD – NIGHT

NINJA
Coocookacha! Coocookacha!

NARRATOR (V.O.)
Linsay’s brother had decided to cloak himself in the surroundings.

The camera zooms out and he’s holding foliage in front of himself while perched in a tree.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
He had also decided to mask his sound so started a birdcall.

Linsay walks by, right underneath Ninja.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
He was very elusive.

NINJA
Coocookacha! Coocooka-

LINSAY
(points gun and yells)
I found him!

Ninja kicks the gun out of Linsay’s hand and it goes off, jumps out of the tree and begins running while still holding the foliage for cover.

CUT TO:

EXT. BOND HOUSE BACKYARD/GARDEN – NIGHT

Mina and Luke cease making out when they hear a gun shot.

MINA
Someone’s taking the law into their own hands!

LUKE
(evil eyed)
That someone better be you.

Mina and Luke run towards Linsay and Ninja fighting.

CUT TO:

EXT. BOND HOUSE BACKYARD – NIGHT

Linsay and Ninja are fighting to get to the cap gun.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
The hunt for his brother was over, and what appeared to be rape was in actuality a battle for the fake gun.

Mina and Luke arrive at the fight scene.

MINA
Get him Linsay! Rape that ass!  Go for it!

A car’s headlights shine from the driveway, and it parks. The occupant gets out and shuts the door.

MINA
Oh she’s here! I was wondering if she was going to show up.

LINSAY
(choking from Ninja’s arm around his throat)
Who’s it?

MINA
It’s Mandy.

LINSAY
(choking)
Oh… shit…

MINA
Don’t worry, she wont be as depressing as last time.

LINSAY
(choking)
I hope not.

NINJA
Coocookacha!

CUT TO:

INT. THIRD FLOOR BOND HOUSE – NIGHT

On the television is one of the various commercial new years programs with the UNDEAD NEW YEARS HOST.

AARON (O.S.)
Cally, do you have an ace?

CALLY (O.S.)
Only in my pants… And I’m not wearing those right now.

JAMIE
(laughs)
You’re going to lose!  Cally, do you have an ace?

CALLY (O.S.)
He just asked that…

JAMIE
Fuck!

The door at the bottom of the stairs opens.

JAMIE
(loud)
Who’s there?!

MANDY SERKOV walks up the stairs, the camera pans around her and you see Damian wearing Cally’s clothes. Cally wearing Damian’s.

Aaron is down to his boxers with his pants half off.  Jamie is only missing her socks.

Mandy’s face looks scared

Jamie grabs a pillow and puts it in front of her body while she screams

JAMIE
(screaming)
Aaaaaaaa! Don’t look at my naked body!

FADE OUT:

END OF ACT II

ACT III

FADE IN:

INT.  THIRD FLOOR OF THE BOND HOUSE – NIGHT

Mandy stands beside the television in shock.

Cally, Damian, Aaron and Jamie stare back at Mandy in similar shock.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
This woman is Mandy Serkov, a Wiccan, and she had inadvertently walked in on these four during a game of Strip Go-Fish.  The game had now become awkward.

TITLE: Mandy Serkov (Unburned)

AARON
This is awkward.

JAMIE
Oh god, you know what awkward silences mean with him.

Aaron begins to pull up his pants.

AARON
They make me touch myself.

DAMIAN
And it would have been easy since he already had his pants off.

MANDY
Oh my god, we’re lucky that’s the only thing he got off.

AARON
I almost got you off?

NARRATOR (V.O.)
Aaron and Mandy had a brief history. Brief meaning one date a year previous.

MANDY
No! You sick freak.  I meant yourself!

AARON
You got me excited for a moment.

MANDY
Aaron, stop being creepy!

AARON
I can’t help it. It’s in my nature.

MANDY
Where is everyone?

A gunshot is heard coming from outside.

MANDY
Was that a gunshot?!

CUT TO:

EXT. BOND HOUSE BACKYARD – Moments Earlier

NARRATOR (V.O.)
It was indeed a gunshot she had heard. His brother went down easily.

TITLE: Moments Earlier

Linsay gets the cap gun, turns around and pulls the trigger while it’s pointed at Ninja.

Ninja looks at him with a look of confusion then Mina hits him over the head with her sword and he falls unconscious.

CUT TO:

INT. THIRD FLOOR OF THE BOND HOUSE – PRESENT

JAMIE
Yeah that was a gunshot. Linsay probably shot his brother again.

Mandy walks over to a seat and sits down while talking

MANDY
Oh ok. So what have I missed?

DAMIAN
Basically Charlie punching Aaron.

MANDY
Aww, I can’t believe I missed that

AARON
(pointing at Damian)
And that jackass slapped me where I was punched.

DAMIAN
I slapped you cause I like to inflict pain on you.

AARON
Not because you love me?

DAMIAN
Not because I love you.

AARON
(sad)
Aww.

MANDY
Could you please put your shirt back on?

AARON
I’ll think about it.

CUT TO:

INT. FIRST FLOOR OF THE BOND HOUSE – NIGHT

NARRATOR (V.O.)
Meanwhile, the others where attempting to bring the Ninja they had bludgeoned back upstairs.

Linsay and Luke are carrying Ninja up the stairs. Linsay at his head/arms and Luke at his feet.

Linsay almost drops him.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
This task proved more difficult than they had originally anticipated and they had therefore decided to devise a new plan.

LINSAY
This is going nowhere… lets stuff him in a closet instead.

Linsay and Luke move off the stairs, Mina walks up them.

CUT TO:

INT. THIRD FLOOR OF THE BOND HOUSE – NIGHT

MANDY
They should have been back by now if the hunt was over.

JAMIE
I know it’s taking a while for some reason.

DAMIAN
That was incredibly obvious.

JAMIE
Your face was incredibly obvious, and that’s NOT a good thing.

The door down the stairs opens, Mina walks up the stairs.

MINA (O.S.)
Greetings all!

AARON
How went the hunt, fair mistress of the forest nymphs?

MINA
The hunt went well, we captured a wild brother.

DAMIAN
Where is he?

MINA
They’re with him downstairs, they should be back soon.

CUT TO:

INT. FIRST FLOOR OF THE BOND HOUSE – FEW MINUTES EARLIER

Linsay and Luke are attempting to shove Ninja into various closets, all of which are too small for him.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
This task too had proved to be more difficult than originally anticipated.

LINSAY
Ah fuck this. I have an idea. Lets head for the door.

CUT TO:

INT. THIRD FLOOR OF THE BOND HOUSE – PRESENT

NARRATOR (V.O.)
With the body finally disposed of, Linsay and Luke were making their way back to the party on the third floor.

MINA
Look at the TV it’s almost midnight.

AARON
Almost a new year.  So is anyone going to say anything corny?

DAMIAN
If someone does then I’ll have no choice but to kill you.

AARON
Nobody say anything! Please.

MANDY
Don’t kill him, cause then he’ll touch himself in front of us.

AARON
Mandy, come on, I like them lively not dead.  I’m not a necrophilliac.

MANDY
But you are gay.

AARON
I’m not gay.

MANDY
You’re in denial.

AARON
Whatever.

MINA
Come on, how long does it take to stuff someone into a…
(notices people listening)
…nice comfy bed.

UNDEAD NEW YEARS HOST (O.S.)
And the new years is coming soon, just look at that glorious ball.  And that lit up one too!

The door opens, Linsay and Luke walk up the stairs.

MINA
My arresting officer has returned.

Mina and Luke kiss. Luke slides under Mina so she’s sitting on his lap.

Linsay passes out the noisemakers.

DAMIAN
Hey Linsay, where’s your brother?

LINSAY
Oh you know him, probably being all Ninja-like again.

DAMIAN
Ah yeah, probably.

Damian looks around cautiously.

UNDEAD NEW YEARS HOST (O.S.)
And here it comes, the ball is dropping!
(host counts down from 10)

EVERYONE
(counts down from 10)

UNDEAD NEW YEARS HOST (O.S.)
Happy New Year!

Mina and Luke kiss as does Jamie and Linsay.  Aaron stares at Mandy.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
And they ushered in the new year with kisses and awkward staring from those that weren’t getting kissed.

AARON
Come on, just one for old times sake?

MANDY
(sighs)
Ok. Lean forward.

Aaron does lean forward towards Mandy.  She slaps him across the face.  Aaron smiles.

AARON
Thank you.  This is going to be a good year.

DAMIAN
Where’s Charlie?

CUT TO:

Footage of Linsay shooting the gun and Charlie running away.

CUT TO:

INT. THIRD FLOOR OF THE BOND HOUSE – PRESENT

CALLY
Damian, I think I’m going to need my clothes back.

DAMIAN
Aww, but I feel pretty in them.

CALLY
Damian.

DAMIAN
Fine, if I must.

Damian and Cally walk over to the closet and enter.

LINSAY
Ok, it’s the new year-

AARON
Your year.

LINSAY
That was such a bad joke… Anyways, it’s the New Year so time to get out.

MINA
Ok, well everyone getting a ride with me, come on.

MANDY
Actually I’m going to need a ride too, my mom just dropped me off.

LINSAY
(realisation)
That’s where my fence went…

NARRATOR (V.O.)
A year earlier her mother had accidentally run over his fence… more than once.

MINA
That’s fine, I have an extra seat now anyways.

Everyone begins to go down the stairs and Cally cuts Aaron off.

AARON
(excited)
Hey Cally.  Are you going to slap me too?

MANDY (O.S.)
Stop being creepy!

CALLY
No, I’m not going to slap you Aaron.

AARON
Then why are you blocking the way?

CALLY
I need my headband back.

CUT TO:

EXT. BOND HOUSE DRIVEWAY – NIGHT

Mina, Damian, Aaron and Mandy are walking towards Mina’s van.

AARON
That was fun.

DAMIAN
You were fun.

AARON
You’ve got to get those I’ll verb your noun sentences under control.

MINA
You really do.

MANDY
They amuse me.

Everyone gets into her van.

CUT TO:

INT. MINA’S VAN – NIGHT

Everyone sits down in their seats, Mina turns the van on and backs out of the parking space.

CUT TO:

EXT. BOND HOUSE – NIGHT

Mina’s van drives down to the end of the driveway and turns left.

CUT TO:

EXT. SANDWICH STREET – NIGHT

Charlie is walking down the road towards home.

CUT TO:

INT. MINA’S VAN – NIGHT

NARRATOR (V.O.)
The party was over and everyone was being sent home.  There would be little incident along the way.

Mina slams on the brakes and Charlie jumps up onto the hood of the van.  Mina stares at Charlie wide-eyed.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
With this one exception.

Ninja pops up from the furthest back seat.

NINJA
(disoriented)
Where am I?

NARRATOR (V.O.)
And an accidental kidnapping.

MINA
(angrily yells)
Come On!

FADE OUT:

THE END

Prepare to Enter Destinia

The world of Destinia has been growing in my mind over the past 2 or 3 years, becoming more rich as time went on. Now I’m at the point where I know what I want out of the stories set in this wonderous world. I may end up posting pieces that belong in Destinia. If I do I will begin with The Dragon King, the first piece I wrote that took place on a then unnamed Destinia. After that would come Serene is the Night (currently a working title), the epic poem bridge linking my first epic poem The Dragon King with my eventual novel The Third Kingdom. To warm up for the novel once I finish with the second epic poem, I may write a couple of short stories based around side characters in the novel. All I have to decide now is, do I post The Dragon King?

Tower of Gelatinous Cancer

Deep into the darkness, peering, finding nothing there. Seeing no one. Only the warm glow of a computer screen. Loving and affectionately, I know what you do, you sit in front of it, you sit in front of it and you stare at the monitor with all of your attention. Typing your words to the people you confess to ‘love’ yet never touch. Never see, only talk to though the static muffles from the phone or the disconnected ramblings of the online chat scene. L.O.L. You find it so funny mister or miss robot, living in your ivory towers, never speaking, never touching, never seeing another living breathing human being as long as you feel comfortable up there upon your decaying throne. Slide in your own shit why don’t you? The meaningless meanderings of the teenage mind… of the human mind are insignificant when left unattended. You sit disconnected, unplugged, from the rest of your brothers and sisters in the world. You hide, deep in the dark corners of the tower in the beautiful castle, where the human race frolics in the courtyard. Fuck this shit you say? Puke from the tower you say? Everything is messed up, you say? Well you are absolutely correct. This world is too fucked up. Way too fucked up. Everything that can go wrong will go wrong. You realise this, I realise this. The whole fucking world realises this. Is it good? Fuck no, of course it isn’t good. But that leaves no excuse for leaving the world, disappearing into the cancerous glow of the computer monitor, typing away all the pain, and all your problems. Leaving everyone to wonder ‘Gee, I wonder where he or she went?’. Well la de fucking da, no one will really give a shit if you willingly cut your cancerous ass away from the giant tumour that society has become. So get your fucking chemo therapy and shut off all your bodily connections to the world outside the tower, don’t you dare let your traitorous bodily fluids such as puke touch our perfect sun kissed skin. Melt away little one, you are no longer human, you’re a mutated freak with cords spouting from all sides. You take electricity, not water, you leave us we leave you. Disconnected? Not quite yet. Your cancerous ass is still ours and we will use you to spread our disease for as long as we can.